Update

Hmmmmm...It's been awhile. So, let's play catch up. In bullet points.

* My baby is now a toddler.
* I am ready to move.
* The house is STILL going through renovation.
* A year of parenting has given me a new level confidence in myself.
* It has also made me comfortable in my own skin. Weird.
* My family is not complete and I am desperate for another baby.
* I am no longer a twentysomething

I think that may sum it all up.

Read more...

lessons in postpartum

If you have ever been pregnant you know that people love to talk about their pregnancies in graphic detail. They want to tell you the good, the bad and the terrifying. However, no one talks about postpartum. Oh sure, you hear the jokes about raging hormones, baby blues and sleepless nights. Yet no one REALLY shares their experience. After talking to a few of my friends I was surprised to learn that some of the emotions and feelings I felt were commonly experienced by others.

My delivery was a surprise. I wasn't having contractions, my water hadn't broken, the nursery wasn't done, my bags weren't packed and I had a list of errands to complete. In fact having an anxiety-ridden drive to the hospital was the only event that took place like I had allowed myself to imagine. I was not prepared to have an outside baby that day. I truly loved my daughter immediately after birth but I did not feel the bond I had imagined. While holding and staring at my beautiful baby girl I mourned the loss of my other baby. My inside baby. The baby that I had grown to love and know intimately over the previous nine months. I wanted my inside baby back. Those feelings also didn't go away immediately. At home I sat on the floor of my shower and cried until the water turned cold because I couldn't share such appalling feelings with anyone, even my husband. If only I had known that forming the mother baby bond is a process and mourning for the inside baby can be normal.

Pregnancy was painful. Very painful. Charlotte's head sat in my ribs for most of the pregnancy and I truly thought it was just a matter of time before my rib cracked. I also had joint pain which had me hobbling around from about 20 weeks on. The rib pain went away immediately after birth, although, I do have flair ups if I sit in certain positions for too long. The joint pain on the other hand has only gotten worse. There are mornings where I can barely stand on my left foot, my elbow creaks as I brush my hair and my wrist wants to give out as I pick up my baby. Come to find out postpartum joint pain is common, especially in breastfeeding mothers. Typically it begins to ease up either a few months after birth or a few months after weaning.

Breastfeeding is hard. Very hard. There are days that I did nothing but sit on my couch nursing my baby and crying. Those days sucked. Our hospital and pediatricians office sent us home with formula and it was so hard to not give in to the temptation of thinking lets just give her formula. Thankfully, I didn't give in and fortunately, the hard days were very temporary in the grand scheme of things. Seven months in and nursing has become a time of quiet snuggles that I look forward to.

Finally, that it's okay to say no. No we aren't having visitors today, no I don't want you to hold my baby right now, no we won't be bring her and about yet, etc. The first few weeks are very important bonding time and putting others feelings ahead what I needed interfered with that bond. Thankfully, wearing Charlotte in the moby wrap and spending quiet time together quickly helped us reform that necessary bond.

While I miss my squishy little baby I definitely don't miss those hard first few weeks of postpartum.

Read more...

a great boobie conversation

Let me preface this by saying that Charlotte does not take bottles. Ever. In the beginning we tried to convince her that a bottle was the same as the original, but after every attempt resulted in screaming and lots of wasted milk, we finally gave up. Whatever, her num-nums are easier to keep clean and are always available.

Me: "I figured out what to do with all that frozen breastmilk I have stored up."

Chad: "Oh jeez."

Me: "What does that comment mean?"

Chad: "Nothing, just tell me what you are going to do with it."

Me: "No, seriously what did you mean by that."

Chad: "Just that whatever it is I am sure it is going to be something extremely generous and completely outside the scope of normal."

Me: "I'm going to use it to make pancakes for Charlotte, because we don't have a waffle maker. Does that mean you think I am abnormal?"

Chad: No response because he is running for the bathroom heaving.

A little while later.

Chad: "Why don't we just make breastmilk butter while we are at it."

Um excuse me. He thought pancakes were disgusting?

I'm not sure whether I should be complemented because he must think I am a very generous person or offended because I made him want to hurl.

Read more...

Showered

This past Saturday friends and family threw me a baby shower that was out of this world. It was pink, girly and the absolute perfect way to celebrate the little lady that will be joining our family very shortly. It had a Sugar and Spice theme and was actually held at my own home to make me more comfortable.

The details:Wreath that greeted guests as they came in.Food table all set up with lots of goodies. The food tended to follow the theme of sugar and spice.Clothes line set up over the gift table with little outfits and goodies. Her first swimsuit is on that line as well! Love that!My cakes were cheesecake from Hank's Cheesecake. This is actually what we had for our wedding as well which made it even more special. I LOVE cheesecake! MMMMMM.These candles were given out as favors to all the guests. The label on the front has a cute word graph with words such as Sugar, Spice, baby girl, our last name etc. On the back is a poem that reads: When baby S arrives to meet her mother and father, celebrate the day and light this candle in her honor.

After seeing all the decorations, enjoying mingling with my guests and playing a couple of games it was time to move on to presents. Monkey got so many cute little outfits, onesies, toys and accessories.


She also received a very special present. A beautiful quilt made by my aunt. It will be a gift that is treasured by me for a very long time to come and hopefully when she is old and grown it will be a gift that she is excited to take with her. A tag will be made after she is born with her name, birthdate etc on it to personalize it even more.Lily joined the celebration too. Matching the rest of the decorations in her pink sundress and beaded necklace. She is going to be such a great big sister!
Finally daddy-to-be showing his face upstairs and looking ever so excited to be surrounded by a house full of women. He was thrilled however about helping eat the leftover food of course.

I can't thank my mom, sister, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and best friend enough for throwing me such a wonderful shower. They really put a lot of thought and effort into all of the plans. A special thank you to all of my guests as well for helping us welcome and prepare for our new little addition.

Read more...

Mid Week Miscellany

1. Renovations are progressing slowly. Very slowly. Our progress so far:

Guest room - needs caulk and touch up paint
Nursery - waiting for closet system and closet doors to be installed
Hallway - crown needs sanded & painted, baseboards need painted, linen closet trim and doors painted, install new lights
Living/Dining room - finish spackling walls, install window trim, fill nail holes, sand down trim and crown, paint everything
Foyer - sand crown, caulk new trim & baseboards, paint trim & door, repaint walls
Family room - remove old trim, pull up carpet and vinyl, drywall patch walls, spackle, sand, paint, have new carpet laid, install & paint new trim and molding
Kitchen - remove old baseboards & install new ones, sand & paint trim, paint counter tops, clean, sand, paint & re-grout old tile backsplash, figure out what to do with nasty vinyl floor, paint garage door, hang new basement door.

If you think the size of this list is scary you should see what it looks like on paper where each task is truly broken down. Did I mention our deadline is Monday February 8? Self imposed deadline by yours truly but I may just lose it if we go past that date!

2. I finally picked fabric for the nursery and decided what was going to go where. I can't wait to get started on it! That will be my February projects starting Tuesday February 9 since I may need a day break from projects to actually clean my house.

3. I didn't eat meat for the last two years out of choice for not really liking it. Then somehow it turned into a label and I felt pressured not to eat meat due to said label. Pregnancy requires a great deal of protein and I am having severe aversions to many protein sources but for once in my life meat tastes delish. So now I eat meat. Everyone seems to think it is ok to not only have an opinion but voice it about my choices and make rude remarks. Yes I LOVED that steakburger I had a couple of weeks ago. Get over it. And no I have no clue how I will feel about different protein sources after pregnancy.

4. Lily got sick last Friday around 5. In my car. It was disgusting. Then she continued to get sick for the rest of the evening. Due to this we missed a good friends going away party. Then at midnight she decided she felt a million times better, ate her dinner and was ready to play. Fortunately for her, she is super cute and I can't stayed annoyed for too long.

5. Those that believe a baby's foot in the ribs hurts should try having a head there instead. Monkey is breech and has figured out she can use my bladder to trampoline her head into my already sore right rib over and over. She typically starts this about 9:00 at night and continues off and on till about 2 am. It makes for a very long sleepless night.

6. They say that a baby's sleep pattern is established and noticeable by now (30 weeks). I have definitely noticed that she does seem to have awake and quiet times roughly around the same time every day. However, if this is the pattern that she tends to follow after she is here I am terrified. It is nothing in line with my sleep and awake times. I am not a good exhausted person. You should feel very terrified for my husband. Good thing he has more patience in his pinky toe than I do in my whole body.

7. I realized the other day that I still have not made our wedding albums. It's been almost 3 years. They may never happen at this point and that makes me oh so very sad. Maybe when the house is done if that ever happens either.

8. My bff had her baby this past week. Her new son is absolutely precious and I couldn't adore him more. I am so excited for her and her hubby. However, I am a little sad too. Being pregnant together was such an amazing experience and I am so lucky to have gotten to have it but sad it is over. Getting to hold and snuggle that little boy though is worth the little sadness. It is also amazing to see Chad's eyes light up when he holds him and see what an amazing daddy he is going to be to our little one.

9. Baby class frightens me every week. I hated hearing about the epidurals but I thought I was going to throw up when they pulled out the needle for show and tell. If I wasn't convinced before that natural was my goal it sure was after that. My needle fear is now right up there with my fear of 8 legged flesh eating monsters (aka spiders to the rest of the world)

That basically sums it up. I am really hoping to have before and after pics of at least a couple rooms next week.

Read more...

Nursery Sneak Peak

We have been hard at work all week on lots of projects in the house. However, the nursery is the room that we are most concerned with coming together and I am loving it. This is a little preview of what we have so far.

Read more...

Thrifty Finds

I had to run to the post office today to get stamps for our Christmas cards. While I was there it seemed the perfect opportunity to run over to Goodwill. I have been wanting to try my hand at making a pair of recycled longies. Since these require a wool or nearly all wool sweater it was something that I was going to have to elsewhere besides my always growing stack of material. Not only did the perfect sweater make its way into my hands but I found some other fabulous deals as well. Everything I purchased was in either new or nearly new condition. Not a stain, rip, hole or any fading in site

1 sweater for longies & diaper cover - $6
1 women's knit turtleneck to make into a sleeper and hat - $3
1 6-12 mos heavy jacket (old navy) - $4
4 pairs of soft baby pants - $4 ($1 each)
1 6 mos dress - $1
2 infant hats - $1 ($.50 each)
1 skull cap with fleece lining (NWT) - $2
1 pink hooded towel - $1
1 penguin hooded toddler sized towel (NWT) - $1 (This retails for $11 at Target!)
1 pink and white baby blanket - $1
1 Safety First swaddler - $1

Bringing my grand total to $25

Here is a picture of my loot:


I am so excited. The best part is now I have a few more sewing projects to add to the list!

Read more...

Favorite. Quote. Ever.

Chad (while feeling baby move) - "Wow that is crazy. She is really rolling around in there. I'm so excited, only 16 more weeks to go. Man I couldn't be more excited!"

*sigh* be still my beating heart.

Read more...

Our Nursery So Far

A lot of our free time lately has been spent fixing up the future nursery. So far we have managed to get the walls painted, some of the furniture purchased and most of the main decor decided on.

There are a couple difference from the picture above. I couldn't find a photo of our actual rocker but it is very similar in shape to this one. However, ours is a more of a slight off white than an actual tan color. Second our fan has white blades as opposed to wood. Also, the big black square is actually an entire black wall. It will be a magnetic chalkboard wall which we couldn't be more excited about!

The biggest dilemma I have right now are the curtains for the room. We have one window that is slightly wider than a normal window. The wall it is on is white and will have only the rocker in one corner with the little table beside it. The one thing I know I want is some sort of sheer or shade for added privacy since that side of the house is very close to the neighbors.

The first line of pictures below are the two different panel styles I am trying to choose between. I could either go more simple and clean lined with a grommet style that just hangs on the sides of the window. The other option is a tied back rod pocket panel which would provide a soft lush feeling.

Then I have to choose the shade style. I really love the look of bamboo roman shades and I found some that are on clearance which are cordless. A very good idea for a nursery! However, there isn't really any other natural wood look in there at the moment so I didn't know if it would stand out in a bad way or not. I could always bring some in with the accents I suppose. I could also go with either a sheer roman shade or a full panel sheer.

Finally I could scrap all of those ideas and go with a roman shade similar to the very last picture. I really do like the look of that a lot however, since there wasn't anything else going on that wall I didn't know if that would make the window too plain or not.

When it comes to color all along I have planned to go with white curtains to blend in seamlessly with the wall since an entire black wall seemed to be enough drama for one small space. However, now I am wondering if I shouldn't do the curtains in a pink to pull the color throughout the room some more.

Can you tell I am lost? Suggestions? Which of these would you pull together or would you go with a totally different idea? Any and all ideas are very welcomed!

Read more...